Tag Archives: Relationships

Choose Your Response


Recently things have been in an upheaval, and beloved hubby became a bit perturbed with me.  At first it caught me by surprise, and as we talked I found myself feeling defensive and hurt.

As my thoughts started flying (as thoughts are wont to do in such cases), they ran the gamut from indignant to confusion to dismay.  I started reacting in my usual fashion which is to emotionally withdraw, which was quickly followed by the old one, two punch – shut down!

I quickly realized this was not the road I wanted to travel on, as it can lead places I refuse to go.

So I started trying to think of alternatives.  And instead, I shed a few tears in another room, prayed for help, and worked on dinner.

By the time I returned, he had about forgotten the incident.  I thought about the things I’ve learned about relationships and understanding them more.  While it took some time for me to feel more balanced again, it did come, and much faster than if I’d continued down that “natural reaction” road!

It pays to choose your response.  🙂

Bump In The Road


Road to Denali - Mountains - Alaska

Road to Denali – Mountains – Alaska (Photo credit: blmiers2)

 

Here I was, just a couple weeks or so ago, “bragging” (not really, but I guess you could call it that) about how comfortable our marriage is.  And then – I almost hate to admit it –

 

A bump in the road!

 

Beloved hubby was upset with me the other day.

 

It took me a bit by surprise.  I didn’t expect such a strong reaction.

 

He was genuinely displeased with me.  My reaction?

 

First the “natural man” (as it says in the scriptures) reaction flew into my mind.  Defense!  “Why should he be upset with me!  I didn’t do anything.  He has no right to feel that way.”

 

Then Heavenly Father lovingly interjects.  “Just a minute now.  He is hurt and you’re not going to help anything with that attitude.”

 

“But,” I argue, “He shouldn’t try to make me feel bad.  Besides, he should calm down and apologize for what he said.  Now I feel hurt and upset.”

 

In the conversation that ensued, between myself and God, I was reminded that I know how I should react, and, fight it though I did, I knew what I should do.  I also know that there are times that I should swallow my pride, set aside my own interests, humble myself, and go talk to the man I love (even if at the moment I’m not feeling that loving).  Because, if I do nothing, or return ill feelings for ill feelings, not only will we not move forward, but things will get worse.  And I don’t want that.

 

Therefore, I sought out Beloved hubby, and said, “Hi.”

 

“Hi,” he replied.

 

“I didn’t mean to make you feel that way,” I said.  “Well, I do,” he stated.  Again, my hackles came up.  Stop it!  “I am sorry,” I said slowly.  “It was not my intention to hurt you.”

 

And thus began a dialog that helped begin the healing process.  It did not heal everything right away.  But the process was started.

 

24 hours later, though I still felt a bit reserved, we were no longer feeling at odds with each other, and had calmed down considerably.  Comfort was beginning to return.  We talked some more.  I still had to hold my “natural man” tendencies back just a little, “No, I’m not going to allow myself to overreact, or to withdraw into myself and away from him,” I told myself, and Father in Heaven.  “That wouldn’t be right either.”

 

So, we’re pretty well back to the comfortable stage.  And this little bump in the road is pretty well behind us.  It was a bit rough for a while there.  But, it’s not what you go through but how you handle it that really counts.  I am so very thankful for the gospel and the Church in my life, to help me know how to deal with life’s problems and not let them simply run away with me.

 

 

 

 

 

Husbands and Wives


English: Created by Phil Scoville on June 25, ...

English: Created by Phil Scoville on June 25, 2005 Downloaded from: http://www.flickr.com/photos/philscoville/21528732/ This picture is free to share and remix with proper attribution under the following license: http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/ (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

 

You know, life with  beloved hubby is certainly adventurous.  And after so many years we have been through thick and thin, had our share of ups and downs, experienced much joy and pain.  We have learned from each other, and we have learned together.  We are now in a place of comfort with each other.

 

What is this place of comfort?  It is a place of:

 

  • deep love and abiding faith
  • a forgiving nature
  • supporting the other when we are going through rough times
  • being the anchor when the world seems totally against you, or great depression descends upon you
  • laughing together
  • finding joy in each other’s strengths
  • looking for ways to do for the other, to serve them
  • total trust, knowing and understanding that we are looking for ways to encourage each other, and if hurt is perceived, that it was not intended (or quickly saying, “I’m sorry” if it was, and striving not to do it again)
  • knowing when to let things go unsaid
  • knowing that you do not have to always be right, and even if you are right you do not have to point it out (and you can apologize for the other’s  ill feelings)
  • “we” is more important than “me” or “thee” (you)
  • a oneness in purpose (sometimes agreeing to disagree)

 

Interestingly, our son who is on a mission recently wrote his father a letter expressing thanks for the example he set of the way he treats me.  Our son pointed out that if you look at the media, or at society in general, or even at some members of the church you see a very different attitude about marriage and the way husbands treat their wives.

 

I was also talking with a friend who has been married about 3 years.  She expressed how wonderful their life together is.  As we talked about it she said they both work, and very different schedules at that.  They each pitch in and take care of whatever needs to be done at home.  They didn’t have to “divide up the work”, and they don’t feel there are things that they won’t do, or that the other has to do.  She mentioned that if she’s folding clothes and he comes into the room, he walks over and helps her finish.  She watches for ways to help him too.  What a wonderful world they live in!

 

Course, the great thing is, any of us can live in that same wonderful world.  When we think about what makes the other happy, or what can we do to enrich our lives together, particularly as we include turning to God, our Father in Heaven and inviting Him to show us the right way to live and be happy, we step into that same wonderful world.  It is not a world devoid of heartache or pain, trials or hardships.  But it is a world where we can overcome those things.  Where we can draw closer to each other and to God.  A better world than we often see portrayed on TV or in society.

 

I love to look around me and see those couples who are happy.  I watch them to see what I can learn from them.  I also look for ways to serve and please beloved hubby.  I do little things like fix breakfast for him in the mornings (OK, it’s just cereal but we both like it), speak kindly to him even if he is upset, fix his favorite meal, spend time with him, pick things up for him because it’s hard for him to bend over, cheerfully go and help him with paperwork when he wants to work on it because he doesn’t always feel up to it (and because doing paperwork and bills is such a huge project and a great pain anyway), etc.

 

Doing this brings me great joy.  I don’t go around feeling ill-used, or worrying about what he should be doing and what I should not be doing.  That just causes contention and drives the Spirit of the Lord from my life and from our home.  You may wonder at my willingness to serve my husband.  It was Jesus Christ who showed us that true joy comes in serving.  He set the example and showed us that this is the way to true happiness.  It helps us to see our own problems with a clearer perspective, and often to gain greater understanding about our trials and how to overcome them, or sometimes even to see them in the new light where we recognize they are only problems because of the way we are looking at them.  Often things are no longer such stumbling blocks when we cease to see them as such.

 

I invite you to look at marriage and the relationship between a husband and wife in a new light.  Don’t worry about what society and the media is expounding as the acceptable way to treat this most sacred and glorious of all relationships (just look at what that attitude has gotten them).  Instead, turn to the Lord for true knowledge and insight as He designed this institution and knows exactly how to make it work.  🙂